Is the Honeymoon Phase Real?

I'm sure everyone at some point has heard this pessimistic saying that says, "Just you wait until y'all have been together for some time, you'll start to hate each other." Or maybe I'm the only one who's heard this. I have no idea. But if you already sympathize with what I am saying, stick around.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. We met when we were 18 years old. We are 20 years old now, so I can say that we have grown a lot and have become more mature. In the almost 2 years that we have been dating for, I have constantly heard, "You'll hate him eventually," "You'll want to kill him,"(hopefully jokingly). I always thought that this was super weird considering it was coming from married couples or people who had been boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time. I couldn't wrap my head around whether or not they were projecting their own marital problems onto me, or if they were trying to prepare me for the future. Now to say that you hate your partner is quite concerning and I feel that it is said way too casually. I often see Tik Toks of boyfriends and girlfriends saying that they hate their partner and have found them annoying for quite some time. Can we normalize getting along with your partner?

On top of this, people often preface what they are going to say by saying, "Wait until the honeymoon phase ends..." After almost 2 years of dating, I can proudly say that I do not hate my boyfriend, and I never have. Don't get me wrong, he does do stuff that can be annoying but who doesn't? I certainly don't find him as a person, annoying. I do not find his presence annoying. So why do people share this pessimistic view on relationships? I feel that toxic relationships have become normalized and almost fantasized. My first memory of a toxic relationship was when I was watching Victorious. We all know Beck and Jade. They were the couple of screaming, fighting, and chaos. In almost every episode, I remember Beck and Jade having some kind of issue and constantly yelling about it. Many episodes were dedicated to their war of a relationship. In my personal life, I can recall knowing people who were in relationships with people they did not get along with. I never understood why. I still don't understand why.

To be completely honest, it annoyed the heck out of me when people would say, "Just wait until the honeymoon phase ends." Do you mean that I am destined to go down a road of hating my partner? And since when does dating someone you like mean that you are in the honeymoon phase? Of course, every couple has their own issues, but that should never be the entirety of your relationship. Just like Jade and Beck. Their relationship sat on top of a bespoke of random issues. Why am I in the honeymoon phase just because I get along with my partner? Is it the honeymoon phase or do I just get like my partner? Of course, we have had our own set of issues but why would we let that rule our relationship? Can we just be real for a moment? Does the honeymoon phase actually exist, or have you just gotten into a relationship with someone you didn't like from the beginning?

In addition, I looked up what the honeymoon phase actually means. The honeymoon phase is described as the initial period of intense excitement, euphoria, and positive feelings that often accompany a new relationship. Here's what I want to focus on: "positive feelings." Why would you not have positive feelings towards your partner? Why would you not be excited to be around them and see them? Why do these feelings go away for some couples. Although my boyfriend and I are long distance, I can't tell you how excited I get to see when he is calling me. Maybe I simply have a different appreciation for my relationship because we are long distance. But there are some practices that we do that I have grown accustomed to but still get excited for. For example, everyday he will call me after he is done work. While I get them every day, that doesn't take away the excitement. So, what is it? I don't want to label other couples who lose their spark as ungrateful for the experiences they have with each other. Maybe they have simply grown too accustomed. I feel torn if I am completely honest. Because I, who has grown accustomed to things, doesn't necessarily mean that they have lost their excitement.

Are toxic relationships idolized because people love the thrill of an emotional rollercoaster? I truly believe that we mistake volatility for passion. Whereas a healthy relationship is labelled as the "honeymoon phase." Tell me something, what do you say to all of the healthy couples who have been in their relationship for years? Are you going to say, "Just wait until the honeymoon phase ends." I feel that the standard for relationships has gotten so low that a healthy one is considered to be a "honeymoon phase." Now don't get me wrong, some people dive into relationships without knowing anything or not enough about the person. But so many couples are being discouraged or receiving a pessimistic outlook on relationships simply because many people haven't experienced a healthy one.

In conclusion, maybe the honeymoon phase is real for some people. Maybe it isn't real at all. Considering the standards we hold for relationships nowadays, it seems to me that there is only the black and white answer. Standards for relationships have gotten so low, that the toxic and chaotic relationships have become the new norm. Whereas, the healthy and productive relationships have become the fantasy and unreachable dream or in other words, "the honeymoon phase."